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Monday, May 22, 2000 | LOS ANGELES TIMES-

Prostate Disease and Intimacy
THE LOVIN' AIN'T OVER The Couple's Guide to Better Sex After Prostate Disease; By Ralph and Barbara Alterowitz; Health Education Literary Publisher, 139 pages, $14.95
By SHARI ROAN

After the stress and energy of dealing with prostate disease, many men and their partners have to face yet another ordeal: sexual dysfunction.
But, according to the authors of this book, couples often don't address such problems. They either minimize the importance of resuming a satisfactory sex life or are too embarrassed to seek medical help.

"The Lovin' Ain't Over" is a nonthreatening first step to coping with sexual dysfunction after prostate disease (50% to 90% of men experience some degree of sexual dysfunction after surgery). Ralph Alterowitz is the former director of the National Prostate Cancer Coalition. He and his wife, Barbara, have made the issue of post-prostate-disease sexual health their mission, in part because medical professionals have given so little attention to the subject.

In this book, couples will find their most common questions and concerns addressed in compassionate and straightforward terms. The book details various therapies that can resolve some problems and gives advice on what to ask the doctor. It is targeted to both prostate patients and their sexual partners, and partners will gain an important understanding of the problems men face post-surgery and how to best remain supportive.

Through their encouraging style, the authors help dispel the notion that treatment for prostate disease must always result in permanent changes in lifestyle.

EditorialReviews

FOR THE LOVIN AIN'T OVER:"[This book] addresses an underserved area, sexual health, in patients undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. The perspective and information content provides a tremendous resource for men and their partners confronting this common disease."

FOR THE LOVIN AIN'T OVER: "Ralph and Barbara have collected some...important guideposts and have illuminated them for the layperson with common sense and good judgment. They have presented the issues in a clear and informative manner. Where else are these issues addressed, survivor to survivor, in such a delicate and compassionate manner?"

CustomerReviews (from Amazon.com) -- Avg. Customer Rating *****

Reviewer: Peter Griffiths from Prince Albert, Sask. Canada

Rating: *****

Erectile dysfunction, or E.D. as referred to in tv ads, is a condition many men experience as they age. It is also often a side effect of surgical or radiation treatment of prostate cancer, something one in five men will likely experience. It can also be related to diabetes or heart conditions.

Even though help is available, many men feel too self-conscious to do anything about or even discuss it with their doctor. They see the loss of their "manhood", an embarrassing and private matter. It needn't be and help is available.

Ralph Alterowitz developed prostate cancer. After surgery he, like I have done in previous columns, talked about it openly with individuals and to groups. He and his wife Barbara found that people most needed to discuss the effect of prostate cancer on their sexuality. Their book, The Lovin' Ain't Over, published in 1999, serves two very important functions.

The first part shows that sexuality is not just about intercourse or orgasm. This may be a radical idea for some men, since from adolescence on, most men thought and were taught sex was only about those. The Alterowitz's focus on intimacy, both emotional and physical. They focus on the fact that all of our body has sensitive and pleasurable responses. They share enjoyable ways of touching and pleasuring, not just those we generally associate as being sexual. Their three key words for romantic and sexual health are: communicate, communicate, communicate. They outline various ways of courting and showing affection, that don't need to end in intercourse. They point out that men can still experience arousal and sexual enjoyment, despite the effects of surgery or other illnesses on their sexual response. It may be different, both in experience and intensity, but it is still there if they learn to recognize, adapt to and enjoy it.

They stress that sexual function is related to more to humanness and love between partners, than to a man's ability to have an erection or to climax.

In many ways their ideas on sexuality and communication parallel and complement the excellent book, Sex Is A Thirteen Letter Word published in 1995 by Bill and Carolyn Chernenkoff, sexual therapists in Saskatoon.

The second part of The Lovin' Ain't Over, outlines various options for coping with erectile dysfunction, including medications like Viagra, vacuum pumps and injections. Many new options, both with respect to surgical techniques and new medications are currently being developed. The authors are careful to point out the side effects and risk of various forms of treatment, being careful not to endorse any themselves. They stress that men need to consult their physician, as all the treatments, including vacuum pumps, require a doctor's prescription.

Many of the mediations they discussed in their 1999 edition were not available yet, but were at different stages of the required testing and clinical trials required before release. Because of this, the Alterowitz's are currently working on an updated edition of their book, which I look forward to seeing.

They don't take complete credit for the book. They researched their topic well. They talked and interviewed many couples about their sexual adjustments. They consulted researchers and pharmaceutical companies for accurate information. They even include a feedback sheet for readers to send in. I have talked with Ralph by phone and am impressed with the couple's desire to help men find ways to deal creatively and effectively with the subject that is just becoming okay to talk or write about. return to top

Reviewer: April Becker from Arizona

Rating: *****

A must read for every man and women dealing with the "aftermath" of prostate cancer treatments. It answers the question of "what now?" openly, honestly and with a sense of humor. A true key to survival for couples who want to maintain a loving relationship. This book also gives the reader a complete rundown on available therapies and medications for erectile dysfunction. It gave me and my husband more information and ideas than any other source.

Personal Feedback

Thanks Ralph,

I knew I read this somewhere, but couldn't think of the words to express myself. Thank you so much for the wonderful work you and Barbara have done for us all. I know I, for one, could not have made it without the book. I use to mark pages and leave them around for my husband to read. He is the type that stuck his head in the sand, so I did all the research and took all the action. ( including in the bedroom)

We haven't used any aids for erection since 1 year and 1 month post surgery. I know our recovery is due to wonderful people like you that have been willing to talk about this problem.

We continue to talk about the impotency issue openly in our groups. We want to help others as we have been helped. I habe been passing around the name of the book for over a yr. now.

Thanks again...we are eternally grateful.

KLD
Saratoga, NY return to top